New Mommy Moments

In October 2013, I paid my dues and joined the New Mommy club. Early membership wasn’t so easy-peasy, though it did come with perks. Some words that come to mind in describing it are zombie, tiny tot, poop, advice, and blessings.

My First Weeks as a Zombie
Actually, zombies are probably more mobile than I was those first few weeks. At least I assume so; otherwise there's no point fearing a zombie apocalypse. But I felt drained and lifeless like a zombie, simply going through the motions to keep myself in decent shape. I had little desire to eat, and even getting up and using the restroom was an ordeal that took energy. I spent all my time on the couch with Ari. I hardly said a word to her those first few weeks, and wondered if I was a bad mother.

The part of New Mommyhood that I’d heard the most about was sleep deprivation. Though I tried to be ready for it, that’s what took the greatest toll on me. At first it was waking up several times a night. Then it was Ari waking at 3:00am and staying awake for THREE hours. I made it worse by staying with Ari in the nursery the whole time trying to get her to sleep. Wasn’t until later that I realized, Eureka! I can take her into the living room with me and watch TV shows on Netflix to pass the time. Netflix saved my sanity more than once.

Sleep deprivation isn’t the only energy-stealer. Devoting complete attention every minute of the day to a little being that is totally dependent on me creates a level of fatigue that I never experienced before becoming a mom. When Clayton watches Ariana and frees my attention to go elsewhere, I feel a huge wall lift off my shoulders. It’s the reason why new moms can do nothing but watch their babies all day and still be exhausted when night comes. We’re always holding up the wall so it doesn’t fall down on our little ones.

My Own Tiny Tot
One of the greatest perks of New Mommyhood was having my own baby. I could probably count the times on one hand that I’d held a baby for longer than three minutes prior to having Ari. I was always shy about asking if I could hold a baby, and didn’t like to compete against other family members of the baby who also wanted the opportunity. I longed for a baby I could hold whenever I wanted.

I wanted to have that awesome mommy sense of knowing how to calm my baby and take care of her needs. (Not that I always know how to do that, but definitely more than before!) I also wanted to not be afraid of changing a baby’s outfit or giving her a bath. Seriously, before Ari, I had this fear of changing her outfit and getting her head or limbs stuck in the clothes or something. I overcame that fear in about two days, during which I changed her onesie at least six times.

Another perk was her newborn size. Only during those first few months was Ari small enough to cuddle and sleep on my chest. Those moments were priceless.

Poop and Baby Bodily Fluids
The first time Ari squirted poop at us, Clayton and I were changing her diaper together as adorable new parents. We freaked and grabbed the diaper but it came so fast, there was nothing we could do! So we just laughed. That’s really all you can do. Another time, I was changing Ari on the ottoman. The poop exploded out of her like a missile, hitting the ottoman, my shirt, my pants, the couch, a blanket on the couch, and my phone. Tired and not very mobile, I spent a grumpy 45 minutes cleaning it all up. Then I cuddled my baby who looked as cute and innocent as ever, and I couldn’t stay grumpy. But I never stopped wondering how such a tiny person could shoot poop so far from her bum.

We got pooped on plenty of times, but most of the time when her diaper was off, pee was the problem. I knew you had to watch out when changing baby boys. No one told me about girls. The fluid would flow from her like a fountain, and it happened over and over and over. Soon it was a game trying to get her diaper changed before she peed, or opening her diaper to let the cold air in and trick her into peeing before the diaper came off.

Like most normal people, I’m pretty averse to bodily fluids. I’d see a mom wipe the snot away from her kid’s nose and just think, “Oh eww. Is that what I want for my future?” The idea of being covered in spit-up or baby drool made me squirm. Now I’m hardly fazed by baby bodily fluids and I’m an expert at removing poop stains from clothes--a couple more perks of being in the New Mommy club.

Advice--Rule or Guideline?
I knew beans about babies. Knowledge is my friend in any situation, so I asked friends and family a zillion questions and Googled things like crazy. It rocked that I could research anything about babies even at 4:30 in the morning. In thirty seconds I’d know, “Oh, okay, hiccups that last for 20 minutes is normal. Cool.”

But there was, ahem, a hiccup in my hunt for knowledge. How could I know when advice was more of a rule...or a guideline?

For example:
1. A new baby should dirty/wet a certain number of diapers per day.
2. A new baby should eat 10-15 minutes per side (breast) each feeding session.

Number 1 is a rule: if the baby isn’t doing that, it’s time to call the pediatrician.

Number 2, apparently, is a guideline: Ariana never ate for more than 10-15 minutes total. In fact, we were lucky if we got her past 10 minutes. We tried everything to keep her awake and eating. Nothing worked, and the only reason we didn’t call the pediatrician was because she was satisfying the rule of Number 1, and had the right amount of dirty diapers a day. At her two-week appointment, Ari had grown from 5 pounds 15 ounces to 7 pounds 2 ounces. The pediatrician was a little amazed, and said I must be making a ton of milk or something. Since I wasn’t doing anything special to make that happen, I was just glad Ari was getting enough food.

There is no rhyme or reason why some things work for some babies, but not for others. There’s no rhyme or reason why something will work for a while for one baby, then stop working. The phrase every mother knows is “every baby is different.” When we mothers give advice, we’re usually offering the tips that worked for our babies. These tips are guidelines, not rules (most of the time), because though they worked for us, that doesn't mean they'll work for someone else’s baby. All I could do--and can do for probably, like, the rest of my life when it comes to my offspring--is try different advice and see what works. We mothers are pros with experimentation.

Luck and Blessings
I always feel bad saying something like, “I’m so blessed because my baby’s an awesome sleeper,” almost as if I’m implying that another mom is not blessed because her baby isn’t. When it comes to things like that, I feel more like it’s luck. You can take thirty moms who do the exact same strategy with their babies and probably get at least 20 or so different results. (This statistic came from my head, in case anyone wanted to cite it.) It’s a combination of genetics and luck, pretty much. Ariana takes a pacifier, and I didn’t hypnotize her or anything to get her to take it; she just did. Luck.

But undeniably, there have been--and continue to be--blessings from a loving Heavenly Father, and they come in many forms. Take Day 1 with Ariana. She stayed an extra night at the hospital because they had tested her for something and needed to make sure she didn’t have something bad, etc. etc. I decided to come home and enjoy my last baby-free night in a long time. So all that night, Ari was at the hospital eating formula. I guess it filled her more than I ever dreamed it would. I brought her home the next morning, my first day as a brand-spanking new mom, and was prepared to feed her. She slept, almost literally, the whole day. I couldn’t get her to eat for more than five minutes at a time. By that night, she hadn’t eaten more than 30 minutes’ worth of food all day long.

I panicked and about had a breakdown. Why wasn’t she eating? How could it be healthy to eat so little? Clayton and my mom tried to assure me that things were okay, but I didn’t listen. I made Clayton call the emergency pediatric peeps, who told me that as long as she had enough wet and dirty diapers, she was all right. We put her to sleep in her bassinet in the room across from ours. But I couldn’t calm down. Finally, Clayton gave her a Priesthood blessing, which was also a blessing for me. My anxiety and fear dissolved into an overwhelming peace. I went to sleep believing that things would be okay--and they were. Also, following that day, I never had reservations about Ari not sleeping in our bedroom. I didn’t realize until later that that was kind of unusual.

I must say, peace is one of God’s greatest blessings. Left on my own, there’s no way I could calm the natural fears that I experience from time to time. Blessings also come as an extra bit of energy here, an unexpected moment of understanding there, or even as a smile and laugh from Ari when I need her beautiful joy the most.