Finding Home Amidst the Change

You can learn a lot about yourself after a big move. It’s the kind of change that shakes life up, throws you out of your comfort zone. You might turn to coping methods like binge-playing a mindless mobile phone game or downing chocolate oranges. You wish you could just sleep it off, or plug in headphones and Spotify your way to tranquility.

And it’s a whole new ballgame with young ones.

Life after Move #1

Levi, of course, was largely unaffected. As long as he has his family, his bed, food, and a decent floor, he’s a happy baby. Wouldn’t it be great if we could all be as easily satisfied as a little baby? He even learned to army crawl while we were in Palo Alto. (Google provided temporary housing for us during the month of November.)

The girls had a harder time. Young as they are, they don’t have many coping methods for such a drastic change in their lives--other than beating each other up in their limited playspace or demanding comfort from their mom at all times. Since their mom was sleep-deprived and stressed, she couldn’t always be present for them in the way they needed her to be. That led to a lot of meltdowns for everyone.

Clayton was also largely unaffected, as he was away starting his dream job at Google. And because he’s always been the calm yin to my ruffled yang. His biggest challenge was probably dealing with all of us crazy girls.

And yet, there is magic in a family who loves one another. I still remember the morning I woke to a feeling of peace, rather than the dread I had been facing each day. It was easier to respond with patience and love. I dished out far more hugs and cuddles and it was good for my soul. We played and laughed.

Like sooo many things in life, there were pros and cons every step of the way--things to squeal about, and things to grumble about. Our temporary situation meant we couldn’t settle down, or adjust, or begin to accept a new home. At the same time, it was . . . temporary! Our struggles there would not last forever.

Life after Move #2

And indeed, they did not. We were incredibly blessed and fortunate to find the place that we did in north San Jose. A house with carpet, lots of space, and a decent backyard covered in shade that will be most heavenly in the warmer months. It’s been very well taken care of by the owners and previous tenants. My sense of comfort went way up. We moved Levi to his own room (for his playpen fit nowhere but our room in Palo Alto), and soon he was back to only waking once at night. I returned to my normal tired self, rather than my wild, sleep-deprived beast of fury.

Even with the bigger space, the second move to the house was still another change for the kids. Levi was in baby heaven with carpet and toys stretching as far as his eye could see, but the girls shrank right back into super mama-attached mode. Only this time, I was happier. I could be there for them right from the beginning. The love and gratitude I felt from our growing bond was amazing. So many precious moments, so many times I wanted to shout to the world how much I love being a mom.

There’s still the down days, of course. I’m still hit with emotional whiplash. I might get out of bed not fully awake, and then the heaviness will pull me down the rest of the day, confining me to half-sleep on the couch for longer than I’d like. But we are so happy to be here.

Life in California

Adjusting to California in general has been part of the challenge. I mean, I’m from a small family of four, and from a small town in a valley more overrun with desert weeds and dust than people. That is not the case here. I’m often overwhelmed and stressed when I’m out and about--from all the people, from the crowded streets, from the freeways and highways with badly designed merge lanes and exit lanes. I am frequently plagued with anxiety when I drive around here, and grumble bitterly when it takes forever to find a parking spot or even make it through the darn parking lot. The drivers here are on par with the less-than-exemplary courtesy and abilities of Utah drivers. Only because there’s so many more here, it’s a lot worse.

We haven’t had much time to focus on sightseeing, but I know I have to get over my travel anxieties in order for us to go anywhere. That’s after we’ve set money aside to pay for anything in the first place.

When they're not in their cars, I will say, the people here have been so nice. So many have held their doors open for us, or stopped to let us by in a doorway, or just been generally helpful. Someone even stopped by the other night to let us know our car’s lights were still on. I’ve met several other moms with kids, and hope to do more with them after the holidays.

And of course . . . there’s the weather. The glorious, wonderful weather. The lows here are the highs in Utah. Until recently, it’s been above 60 degrees and mostly sunny. It’s much colder in the shade or after the sun goes down, but even then, it’s a far cry from the below freezing that I’ve been accustomed to for this time of year. No wonder everyone wants to live here. :)

Ready, set...

Go!

Settling into our new home

Right from the beginning, I was so overwhelmed with how much unpacking lay before me. The settling-in process would have to happen in between the usual making meals, cleaning up meals, changing diapers, doing laundry, and keeping the kids alive. The need to clean more than just the kitchen table was also always lurking.

I tried so hard not to be stressed about it. There was no pressure at all: I could unpack at a snail’s pace and be fine. The trouble was, I’m a slightly OCDish person, and the longer I went from room to room dodging boxes, or searching boxes in vain for some specific thing, the faster I started losing my mind.

But we’ve now reached a point where most of the important stuff is unpacked. While my head has been telling me for a while that all is well, it’s my emotions that are finally on board with the idea. The girls have, I kid you not, reached that blissful time when having two kids close together pays off. They don’t just go more than five minutes without hitting or yelling at the other, they play together. Ariana gives Brielle a hug and kiss before her naptime.

Something else that happened is my desire to go out to eat went way down. In Provo, we did that quite a bit--it was yummy, it was energy-saving, and the restaurants were never that far. But here, everything is a bit of a drive away--and super expensive. No Denny’s here that offers free kids meals at dinnertime.

The result is I want to cook and plan more. I still don’t like cooking, don't you worry, but my motivation has totally changed. It’s been great.

Ari's feet have grown

We are happy. I’m able to relax a bit more, breathe deeply, and feel . . . home. Though I still drown my occasional woes in chocolate oranges. 'Tis the season!