Mother, Queen of the Realm

I was talking with my mom on the phone when something popped out of me that, while an exaggeration, carried truth I hadn’t considered before: “Sometimes I feel that by the time my kids are all in school, my life will be over. I won’t be young anymore.”

Now, I do know life’s not over after the age of 35. I think these thoughts came from a place of feeling stuck. With college and my 20’s in the past, and my days of having babies not far behind them, I keep feeling like the next big step in life should be coming. Anytime now.

Truth is, that step is already here, as a stay-at-home mom of little ones. It just feels, sometimes, like that step didn’t take me far enough.

Being the good mom that she is, my mom gave advice and sent some quotes. Like:

“The formative period for building character for eternity is in the nursery. The mother is queen of that realm and sways a scepter more potent than that of kings or priests.” ~Author Unknown

Thinking of myself as Mother, Queen of My Realm of Tiny Watts Humans, does lift my spirits. Let’s take a look at my realm:

My realm is theirs.

My realm belongs to my little subjects. While I can squeeze more hobbies into my life, and exercise after the rainy season to boost my zombified energy, my time is still theirs--keeping them alive, playing, loving, teaching, correcting behaviors, comforting, and just being there. It’s all for them.

My realm is a paradox. 

If I could choose to do anything with my life, I’d stay at home with my little ones. I’d choose it again and again. I’m especially grateful I can make that choice, for not all can.

At the same time, my breaks from the kids are always refreshing. My sanity is often obliterated by the time Clayton gets home, and after a “welcome home” kiss and hug, I’m off to hide in my room before I have to make dinner. It would be amazing if I could have just two hours of kid-free time each day.

I’m often torn between speeding up their abilities so they can do more on their own, and wanting to encase them in their cute ages forever like a snow globe.

My realm is precious.

The three subjects in my realm communicate with cute sounds, cute words, and cute actions. They love laughing and playing with the Queen and King, to whom they have given their complete trust. They go about their day with all the innocence of a butterfly clinging to a flower under a golden sunset.

Little fingers grasp mine, little bums squeeze onto my lap. My day is filled with little voices, little teardrops, and the tickling of little feet of little people with big hearts. All they need is love and care, and my subjects will grow and thrive.

My realm will not last.

This is how Brielle smiles for pictures

Though I yearn for that time when most of my children are in school, I also strive to treasure those precious moments. I hold my baby Levi close and breathe him in every day, for the time will come when I will no longer remember him as a baby.

I snuggle my sweet two-year-old Brielle, for someday I won’t remember her at this adorable stage. I hug my four-year-old Ariana and listen to her songs and stories, for I won’t always remember her as a toddler--and I’ve already forgotten what she was like when she was Levi’s and Brielle’s ages.

Now is the time to soak in their adorable spirits, sweet innocence, and never-ending love.

It’s a time to remind myself that I’m Mother, Queen of My Realm of Tiny Watts Humans. Or simply Mommy, as I’m known to my subjects.